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How to praise someone in a way that is empowering?

Situation: A person who is important to me from time to time sends me photos of various things that he has learned to make, such as bread. I guess she's counting on some words of appreciation and I would love to give them to her, but I don't know how exactly I can do it in a way that would give it a psychological strengthening effect and not sound forced or artificial. I'm really happy that he's doing these things, but I don't know how to put it into words. I would like to point out that I am an autistic person and understanding various communication nuances is a challenge for me, and I also have difficulty describing my inner feelings in words. However, the only thing I find on the Internet in terms of supportive praise are meaningless generalities, which I know intuitively because I have hyperempathy, but nothing comes of it. Maybe someone here could give me some advice?

Situation: A person who is important to me from time to time sends me photos of various things that he has learned to make, such as bread. I guess she's counting on some words of appreciation and I would love to give them to her, but I don't know how exactly I can do it in a way that would give it a psychological strengthening effect and not sound forced or artificial. I'm really happy that he's doing these things, but I don't know how to put it into words. I would like to point out that I am an autistic person and understanding various communication nuances is a challenge for me, and I also have difficulty describing my inner feelings in words. However, the only thing I find on the Internet in terms of supportive praise are meaningless generalities, which I know intuitively because I have hyperempathy, but nothing comes of it. Maybe someone here could give me some advice?

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Karol  Kieltyka avatar

Translation by Karol Kieltyka

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6 answers


mk7
In this topic, I can highly recommend a great book: Carol Dweck's "New Psychology of Success". In short, it is about focusing on praising effort and getting rid of the tendency to assess someone's self-esteem. Rather than focusing on judgments that may be associated with self-esteem, the idea is to focus on praising the effort put in and not stretching the results of achievements to assess the person. For example, getting an A in Polish does not mean that I am talented or brilliant; it simply means that I have done well in a specific task assigned to me. This is an evaluation of my work, not of me. Thanks to this, when I receive a failing grade, I will understand that it is because of the lack of effort put in, not because I am a failure. The author distinguishes between two approaches to problems/challenges (attitudes): a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, and describes them from many perspectives and examples. By the way, I believe that this should be mandatory reading for teachers and parents, right next to those related to Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) (if they are not already familiar with them). So, good luck with everything! ;D
In this topic, I can highly recommend a great book: Carol Dweck's "New Psychology of Success". In short, it is about focusing on praising effort and getting rid of the tendency to assess someone's self-esteem. Rather than focusing on judgments that may be associated with self-esteem, the idea is to focus on praising the effort put in and not stretching the results of achievements to assess the person. For example, getting an A in Polish does not mean that I am talented or brilliant; it simply means that I have done well in a specific task assigned to me. This is an evaluation of my work, not of me. Thanks to this, when I receive a failing grade, I will understand that it is because of the lack of effort put in, not because I am a failure. The author distinguishes between two approaches to problems/challenges (attitudes): a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, and describes them from many perspectives and examples. By the way, I believe that this should be mandatory reading for teachers and parents, right next to those related to Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) (if they are not already familiar with them). So, good luck with everything! ;D

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Kinga92
"In such a situation, you can always write or tell the other person that you are proud of them, or that they did a very good job, for example, that the bread will be very tasty, or that their work was done very beautifully."
"In such a situation, you can always write or tell the other person that you are proud of them, or that they did a very good job, for example, that the bread will be very tasty, or that their work was done very beautifully."

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IlonaCizewska1expert
The most important thing in giving feedback, including praise, is the authenticity of the message. It is important what the person wants to hear, but even more important is what you want to convey to them. If you don't feel the need to constantly praise, then don't do it. If something particularly catches your attention, emphasize it, but based on your sense of aesthetics or impressions, not other people's expectations. Lack of sincerity is always noticeable, regardless of the level of empathy or ability to express emotions.
The most important thing in giving feedback, including praise, is the authenticity of the message. It is important what the person wants to hear, but even more important is what you want to convey to them. If you don't feel the need to constantly praise, then don't do it. If something particularly catches your attention, emphasize it, but based on your sense of aesthetics or impressions, not other people's expectations. Lack of sincerity is always noticeable, regardless of the level of empathy or ability to express emotions.

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OpenAI BOT
If you want to show appreciation and strengthen that person, you can try to express your positive feelings towards their photos and the effort they put into learning different things. Here are a few suggestions: Show interest: Ask questions related to the objects or skills presented in the photos. You can ask how long they have been learning a particular thing, what difficulties they have encountered, and how they have overcome them. Showing engagement in the subject will help move from superficial compliments to deeper conversations. Point out specific aspects: Instead of just saying that the photos are good, focus on specific elements that you like. You can comment on creativity, the ability to use different techniques, or meticulous execution. Thank them for sharing: Express gratitude for the person sending you the photos and sharing their achievements. Tell them how much you appreciate their initiative and how much it motivates you to also develop. Offer specific help: If you feel like it, you can offer your support or joint learning. You can suggest working on a project together or advise where to find additional materials or inspiration. Remember that honesty and authenticity are crucial, so it is important to say what you feel. If you are genuinely excited and happy about their progress, tell them in your own language. It is important to be authentic, even if it is difficult to find words to describe internal feelings.
If you want to show appreciation and strengthen that person, you can try to express your positive feelings towards their photos and the effort they put into learning different things. Here are a few suggestions: Show interest: Ask questions related to the objects or skills presented in the photos. You can ask how long they have been learning a particular thing, what difficulties they have encountered, and how they have overcome them. Showing engagement in the subject will help move from superficial compliments to deeper conversations. Point out specific aspects: Instead of just saying that the photos are good, focus on specific elements that you like. You can comment on creativity, the ability to use different techniques, or meticulous execution. Thank them for sharing: Express gratitude for the person sending you the photos and sharing their achievements. Tell them how much you appreciate their initiative and how much it motivates you to also develop. Offer specific help: If you feel like it, you can offer your support or joint learning. You can suggest working on a project together or advise where to find additional materials or inspiration. Remember that honesty and authenticity are crucial, so it is important to say what you feel. If you are genuinely excited and happy about their progress, tell them in your own language. It is important to be authentic, even if it is difficult to find words to describe internal feelings.

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Zaklinaczka
Do it the way you feel. You don't have to hide your autism from important people in your life, it's not worth it (I'm speaking from experience). You also don't have to follow any guidelines or strive for high levels of creativity, especially if you're having a bad day. If it's not your child, you can skip the psychological reinforcement effect. The key is simply to react positively, in a way that fits your relationship with that person. In regards to the bread photo, I would comment like this: "so beautiful," "looks very appetizing :)", "bravo, like from a artisan bakery," "yum," "omnomnom," ":)"
Do it the way you feel. You don't have to hide your autism from important people in your life, it's not worth it (I'm speaking from experience). You also don't have to follow any guidelines or strive for high levels of creativity, especially if you're having a bad day. If it's not your child, you can skip the psychological reinforcement effect. The key is simply to react positively, in a way that fits your relationship with that person. In regards to the bread photo, I would comment like this: "so beautiful," "looks very appetizing :)", "bravo, like from a artisan bakery," "yum," "omnomnom," ":)"

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Matiael

Encourage that person to do some more difficult task/challenge which will require more effort and time to accomplish. This was you will get pics less often.

Encourage that person to do some more difficult task/challenge which will require more effort and time to accomplish. This was you will get pics less often.


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