"Love is when I can't live without you... "🧐
I came across such a sentence today and the first thought that came to my mind was: seriously???, does anyone still believe in that...?
If any man said something like that to me, I would immediately say goodbye to him. Politely saying: you are warmly invited, there are the doors - pointing in the direction of the exit!
I am already rushing to explain why, when, and to whom we direct such a sentence
First of all, love has nothing to do with living or not living without a specific person (as an adult).
However, if we have such feelings within us, it is not at all about the person we are thinking of.
It is an internal statement of a small child to a parent, who was obliged to provide us with various needs, but for some reasons could not satisfy those needs or did not do so to the extent we needed. Hence the longing for unconditional love and the feeling that I cannot live without this person...
Unconditional love, without which one cannot live, is the primal love flowing between a mother and a child, without which indeed that small one will not survive.
For the entire nine months in the womb of the mother, the child is completely dependent on the woman and if at an organic, subconscious level at some point during the pregnancy, the mother decided that she would no longer nourish the child (for various reasons, e.g., genetic disease), she would lose the pregnancy, not to mention consciously terminating it (also for various reasons).
Unconditional love, which at the organic level reaches the fetus, is indeed inseparable between these two beings to such an extent that the child subconsciously will take as its own all the experiences and feelings of the mother, according to the principle (by protecting and relieving you, I protect my own life), which is why some women after pregnancy are lighter of various ailments.
There is no other bond as strong based on unconditional love, and it also lasts after the birth of the child. However, with each passing moment, as the child grows, this bond naturally saturates, and the child filled with the mother's love increasingly has the need (around the age of 6-7) to flow into the arms of the father, whose love is already conditional (e.g., praise for what the child does well, pushing the child to achieve further peaks on a high tree). Thanks to this, the child is embedded in certain structures, frameworks, and order that will be needed in adulthood to set goals and skillfully achieve them. Achieving personal and professional successes can only be done with a strong heart, that from the father. Going out into the world without fear, with courage and certainty that it is a safe place, are traits that the child learns with the father. The father, with his strength and security, provides the child with a structure so that it can later realize and bring its goals to completion. Otherwise, in the realization of plans, losses, barriers, blockages will appear, or there will be a lack of strength and perseverance to continue realizing ONESELF.
If the mother did not provide such love, the child fundamentally will not feel loved, worthy, important, wanted, etc., it will not have this unconditional love for itself and in longing will still seek it outside. With this loss and lack, it is the hardest, because mom is the foundation, the beginning. It would take a long time to write about what such people may struggle with, but quoting one of the more distinguished psychotherapists (here it is hard to piece anything together).
If the father is missing, his presence, emotional involvement, and implementation of conditional love (for various reasons), it is half the trouble, here having a foundation makes it easier to pick up the pieces (we have a foundation, so we can build a house) but going further in life, one will have to stretch to create such a mature relationship based on love. Avoidance, escape, fear of responsibility and loss of freedom, lack of skills for safe, mature communication and lively, engaged presence in a relationship are just a few possible variants that occur in such people.
If the mother symbolically (with her heart) or physically for various reasons does not let the child into the arms of the father, it brings additional consequences and they may differ depending on gender, but today is not about that...
There is no unconditional love in a mature partnership relationship. Because selfless love and the kind without which one cannot live is the love of a parent for a little one. An adult does not need this kind of love in adulthood from someone outside (unless they are still internally a child), because they possess it within themselves for THEMSELVES.
If such unconditional love was not received, then in adulthood one is obliged to provide it for oneself and indeed all other needs that parents did not provide once. Only then, when one is full of love for ONESELF, can they multiply it, sharing it with another person. Then we can talk about love in a partnership (conditional) like that which is built with the father, and not its absence!
Look internally at how you deal with this
With love M
I came across such a sentence today and the first thought that came to my mind was: seriously???, does anyone still believe in that...?
If any man said something like that to me, I would immediately say goodbye to him. Politely saying: you are warmly invited, there are the doors - pointing in the direction of the exit!
I am already rushing to explain why, when, and to whom we direct such a sentence
First of all, love has nothing to do with living or not living without a specific person (as an adult).
However, if we have such feelings within us, it is not at all about the person we are thinking of.
It is an internal statement of a small child to a parent, who was obliged to provide us with various needs, but for some reasons could not satisfy those needs or did not do so to the extent we needed. Hence the longing for unconditional love and the feeling that I cannot live without this person...
Unconditional love, without which one cannot live, is the primal love flowing between a mother and a child, without which indeed that small one will not survive.
For the entire nine months in the womb of the mother, the child is completely dependent on the woman and if at an organic, subconscious level at some point during the pregnancy, the mother decided that she would no longer nourish the child (for various reasons, e.g., genetic disease), she would lose the pregnancy, not to mention consciously terminating it (also for various reasons).
Unconditional love, which at the organic level reaches the fetus, is indeed inseparable between these two beings to such an extent that the child subconsciously will take as its own all the experiences and feelings of the mother, according to the principle (by protecting and relieving you, I protect my own life), which is why some women after pregnancy are lighter of various ailments.
There is no other bond as strong based on unconditional love, and it also lasts after the birth of the child. However, with each passing moment, as the child grows, this bond naturally saturates, and the child filled with the mother's love increasingly has the need (around the age of 6-7) to flow into the arms of the father, whose love is already conditional (e.g., praise for what the child does well, pushing the child to achieve further peaks on a high tree). Thanks to this, the child is embedded in certain structures, frameworks, and order that will be needed in adulthood to set goals and skillfully achieve them. Achieving personal and professional successes can only be done with a strong heart, that from the father. Going out into the world without fear, with courage and certainty that it is a safe place, are traits that the child learns with the father. The father, with his strength and security, provides the child with a structure so that it can later realize and bring its goals to completion. Otherwise, in the realization of plans, losses, barriers, blockages will appear, or there will be a lack of strength and perseverance to continue realizing ONESELF.
If the mother did not provide such love, the child fundamentally will not feel loved, worthy, important, wanted, etc., it will not have this unconditional love for itself and in longing will still seek it outside. With this loss and lack, it is the hardest, because mom is the foundation, the beginning. It would take a long time to write about what such people may struggle with, but quoting one of the more distinguished psychotherapists (here it is hard to piece anything together).
If the father is missing, his presence, emotional involvement, and implementation of conditional love (for various reasons), it is half the trouble, here having a foundation makes it easier to pick up the pieces (we have a foundation, so we can build a house) but going further in life, one will have to stretch to create such a mature relationship based on love. Avoidance, escape, fear of responsibility and loss of freedom, lack of skills for safe, mature communication and lively, engaged presence in a relationship are just a few possible variants that occur in such people.
If the mother symbolically (with her heart) or physically for various reasons does not let the child into the arms of the father, it brings additional consequences and they may differ depending on gender, but today is not about that...
There is no unconditional love in a mature partnership relationship. Because selfless love and the kind without which one cannot live is the love of a parent for a little one. An adult does not need this kind of love in adulthood from someone outside (unless they are still internally a child), because they possess it within themselves for THEMSELVES.
If such unconditional love was not received, then in adulthood one is obliged to provide it for oneself and indeed all other needs that parents did not provide once. Only then, when one is full of love for ONESELF, can they multiply it, sharing it with another person. Then we can talk about love in a partnership (conditional) like that which is built with the father, and not its absence!
Look internally at how you deal with this
With love M
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