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Como elogiar alguém de forma fortalecedora?
Situação: Uma pessoa importante para mim, de tempos em tempos, me envia fotos de diferentes coisas que aprendeu a fazer, como pão, por exemplo. Eu suspeito que ela espera algum tipo de reconhecimento e eu realmente gostaria de proporcionar isso a ela, mas não sei exatamente como fazer isso de forma que tenha um efeito psicológico de fortalecimento, e não pareça forçado ou artificial. Eu realmente aprecio o fato de ela fazer essas coisas, mas não sei como expressar isso com palavras. Vale ressaltar que sou uma pessoa autista e entender os diferentes nuances da comunicação é um desafio para mim, e também tenho dificuldade em descrever com palavras sentimentos internos. No entanto, tudo que encontro na internet sobre elogiar de maneira suporte são dicas abstratas que intuitivamente já conheço por causa da minha hiperempatia, mas não trazem resultados. Talvez alguém possa me dar algumas sugestões aqui?
Situação: Uma pessoa importante para mim, de tempos em tempos, me envia fotos de diferentes coisas que aprendeu a fazer, como pão, por exemplo. Eu suspeito que ela espera algum tipo de reconhecimento e eu realmente gostaria de proporcionar isso a ela, mas não sei exatamente como fazer isso de forma que tenha um efeito psicológico de fortalecimento, e não pareça forçado ou artificial. Eu realmente aprecio o fato de ela fazer essas coisas, mas não sei como expressar isso com palavras. Vale ressaltar que sou uma pessoa autista e entender os diferentes nuances da comunicação é um desafio para mim, e também tenho dificuldade em descrever com palavras sentimentos internos. No entanto, tudo que encontro na internet sobre elogiar de maneira suporte são dicas abstratas que intuitivamente já conheço por causa da minha hiperempatia, mas não trazem resultados. Talvez alguém possa me dar algumas sugestões aqui?
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In this topic, I can highly recommend a great book: Carol Dweck's "New Psychology of Success". In short, it is about focusing on praising effort and getting rid of the tendency to assess someone's self-esteem. Rather than focusing on judgments that may be associated with self-esteem, the idea is to focus on praising the effort put in and not stretching the results of achievements to assess the person. For example, getting an A in Polish does not mean that I am talented or brilliant; it simply means that I have done well in a specific task assigned to me. This is an evaluation of my work, not of me. Thanks to this, when I receive a failing grade, I will understand that it is because of the lack of effort put in, not because I am a failure. The author distinguishes between two approaches to problems/challenges (attitudes): a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, and describes them from many perspectives and examples. By the way, I believe that this should be mandatory reading for teachers and parents, right next to those related to Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) (if they are not already familiar with them). So, good luck with everything! ;D
In this topic, I can highly recommend a great book: Carol Dweck's "New Psychology of Success". In short, it is about focusing on praising effort and getting rid of the tendency to assess someone's self-esteem. Rather than focusing on judgments that may be associated with self-esteem, the idea is to focus on praising the effort put in and not stretching the results of achievements to assess the person. For example, getting an A in Polish does not mean that I am talented or brilliant; it simply means that I have done well in a specific task assigned to me. This is an evaluation of my work, not of me. Thanks to this, when I receive a failing grade, I will understand that it is because of the lack of effort put in, not because I am a failure. The author distinguishes between two approaches to problems/challenges (attitudes): a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, and describes them from many perspectives and examples. By the way, I believe that this should be mandatory reading for teachers and parents, right next to those related to Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) (if they are not already familiar with them). So, good luck with everything! ;D
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"In such a situation, you can always write or tell the other person that you are proud of them, or that they did a very good job, for example, that the bread will be very tasty, or that their work was done very beautifully."
"In such a situation, you can always write or tell the other person that you are proud of them, or that they did a very good job, for example, that the bread will be very tasty, or that their work was done very beautifully."
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The most important thing in giving feedback, including praise, is the authenticity of the message. It is important what the person wants to hear, but even more important is what you want to convey to them. If you don't feel the need to constantly praise, then don't do it. If something particularly catches your attention, emphasize it, but based on your sense of aesthetics or impressions, not other people's expectations. Lack of sincerity is always noticeable, regardless of the level of empathy or ability to express emotions.
The most important thing in giving feedback, including praise, is the authenticity of the message. It is important what the person wants to hear, but even more important is what you want to convey to them. If you don't feel the need to constantly praise, then don't do it. If something particularly catches your attention, emphasize it, but based on your sense of aesthetics or impressions, not other people's expectations. Lack of sincerity is always noticeable, regardless of the level of empathy or ability to express emotions.
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If you want to show appreciation and strengthen that person, you can try to express your positive feelings towards their photos and the effort they put into learning different things. Here are a few suggestions: Show interest: Ask questions related to the objects or skills presented in the photos. You can ask how long they have been learning a particular thing, what difficulties they have encountered, and how they have overcome them. Showing engagement in the subject will help move from superficial compliments to deeper conversations. Point out specific aspects: Instead of just saying that the photos are good, focus on specific elements that you like. You can comment on creativity, the ability to use different techniques, or meticulous execution. Thank them for sharing: Express gratitude for the person sending you the photos and sharing their achievements. Tell them how much you appreciate their initiative and how much it motivates you to also develop. Offer specific help: If you feel like it, you can offer your support or joint learning. You can suggest working on a project together or advise where to find additional materials or inspiration. Remember that honesty and authenticity are crucial, so it is important to say what you feel. If you are genuinely excited and happy about their progress, tell them in your own language. It is important to be authentic, even if it is difficult to find words to describe internal feelings.
If you want to show appreciation and strengthen that person, you can try to express your positive feelings towards their photos and the effort they put into learning different things. Here are a few suggestions: Show interest: Ask questions related to the objects or skills presented in the photos. You can ask how long they have been learning a particular thing, what difficulties they have encountered, and how they have overcome them. Showing engagement in the subject will help move from superficial compliments to deeper conversations. Point out specific aspects: Instead of just saying that the photos are good, focus on specific elements that you like. You can comment on creativity, the ability to use different techniques, or meticulous execution. Thank them for sharing: Express gratitude for the person sending you the photos and sharing their achievements. Tell them how much you appreciate their initiative and how much it motivates you to also develop. Offer specific help: If you feel like it, you can offer your support or joint learning. You can suggest working on a project together or advise where to find additional materials or inspiration. Remember that honesty and authenticity are crucial, so it is important to say what you feel. If you are genuinely excited and happy about their progress, tell them in your own language. It is important to be authentic, even if it is difficult to find words to describe internal feelings.
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Do it the way you feel. You don't have to hide your autism from important people in your life, it's not worth it (I'm speaking from experience). You also don't have to follow any guidelines or strive for high levels of creativity, especially if you're having a bad day. If it's not your child, you can skip the psychological reinforcement effect. The key is simply to react positively, in a way that fits your relationship with that person. In regards to the bread photo, I would comment like this: "so beautiful," "looks very appetizing :)", "bravo, like from a artisan bakery," "yum," "omnomnom," ":)"
Do it the way you feel. You don't have to hide your autism from important people in your life, it's not worth it (I'm speaking from experience). You also don't have to follow any guidelines or strive for high levels of creativity, especially if you're having a bad day. If it's not your child, you can skip the psychological reinforcement effect. The key is simply to react positively, in a way that fits your relationship with that person. In regards to the bread photo, I would comment like this: "so beautiful," "looks very appetizing :)", "bravo, like from a artisan bakery," "yum," "omnomnom," ":)"
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Encourage that person to do some more difficult task/challenge which will require more effort and time to accomplish. This was you will get pics less often.
Encourage that person to do some more difficult task/challenge which will require more effort and time to accomplish. This was you will get pics less often.
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